Update

Well just to make sure that I get back into writing I figured I should give a little update.  Plus right now there are just a few thing that I need to get out.  While I do have people that I can talk to I haven't been able to contact any of them yet.  My Mom has left my Step Dad.  While it is a very sad event I think it is something that is long overdue.  While I know they once loved each other with how things have been going for.... well over a year now its better this way.  I am not going to go into a long personal story of all the reasons why this is a good thing.  I just agree with them separating and I think it is the best for everyone even if others can't see it.  The thing that has been grating against my nerves and wearing me down the last week though was I knew that my Mom was leaving him the entire time.  We had talked about it a week ago and made all the arrangements.  It made our home feel more like a prison than anything though.  All I wanted to do was leave get away from the tension that hung thick in the air because we all knew what was going to happen.  Even Paul my Step Dad could tell something was going on even though my Mom had not told him.  So today we finally left.  Packing up and leaving was what finally snapped my nerves though.  While loading the bags and boxes it was like I had become a robot and was working on auto pilot.  "Get it done fast so we can leave" was about the only thought that ran through my head the whole time.  I thought I would start to feel better once we were on the road.  But having my baby sister in the car with me torn by the situation which we all knew she would be just seemed to cut into me more.  I was was only a year older than her when my parents divorced and despite probably knowing exactly what she is going through all words escaped me.  I had no idea what I could say to comfort her other than it was ok to cry, and to be angry.  That we all still loved her just the same.  Most of the ride was silent other than the music I had playing and a part of me felt like I was failing as her older sister not being able to think of a single thing to say to her.  It's hard when I think that this is the best for 'everyone' but especially her and I can't explain why to her.  Not only is she too young being only 8 but I don't want to in anyway bad mouth her Father in front of her.  I don't think it is constructive in any way, it is her Father, and I know that she loves him and that he loves her.  So anyways I think I will end that rant there though I could go on forever.... Now while our Mom is out with a friend I am sitting by the pool watching my Sister swim and blissfully for the moment being a care free 8 year old.  So my Mom, Sister and I have relocated finally from the small town we all felt trapped in.  At the moment I am not going to say where and I wish it could have been a better situation.  I have faith that things are going to turn out alright though and that things will start looking up for ALL of us.  I hope that you all had a wonderful Monday.  Again any good energy and vibes sent our way would be greatly appreciated.

-Nadine