Sunday, June 22, 2014

Sunday Goal Update and some big news!

So lets start with my goal updates.  Sorry that it took me a while to get this up.  There isn't too much to tell.  I did invest in a GED prep book which honestly has boosted my confidence quite a bit.  I thought that I was going to get this book and not understand a single things inside it.  But so far everything is like an easy refresher course.  The book itself is pretty intimidating in size I will admit I picked it up and was like "omg what the crap?".  

It is very easy to follow and so far I am happy with my choice.  All the sites I looked on before purchasing this book gave great reviews.  I did read one though that this book is a little old and not meant for the new and improved G.E.D. Test which started January 2014.  I tried to find another prep book that would follow the new test but I couldn't find anything.  Plus I am thinking that while the format of the testing could very well have changed drastically the actual learning material should still relatively be within the same realm right?  I mean no matter where you go Math is Math and that sort of thing, right?  

So far I have only taken one of the prep test which was in language arts which I am sort of kicking myself for because I feel like by now I should have done more.  But I scored 20/25 which isn't that bad.  The pre tests in this book are half length to the actual test.  At least what the test used to be. Again I am still not convinced that this book wasn't a good purchase just because it is a little out of date.  The one bad comment and she didn't even say anything else other than it was old.  I did attempt to start the essay which in itself seemed easy enough. I don't really want to write to much on it here because then I feel like I will in a sense be cheating some how lol.  Anyways...

Other than that I have been working out gradually.  A lot of walking, some pool time, and some at home work outs.  I haven't worked out the last three days because I have been sick.  I woke up with a sore throat and it hasn't gone away.  My nose is a bit stuff as well.  Oh and I did dedicate some time to drawing.  Nothing crazy just a tattoo design but it felt nice.  So yeah that is about it for the goal updates.

So for the big news that I have drug out for quite some time now.  We are moving!!!  

Like moving moving.  Cross country moving.  I won't say exactly where but it is to the east coast.  I am very excited as well as super nervous.  This will be the biggest move I have ever made my whole life.  Plus it is going to be away from a lot of my family.  I am going to miss them but this is something that I want to do and feels right.  Plus I have had plenty of time to sit and contemplate if this is something I want.  It has been a plan long in the making for anyone who remembered my comments last year about this new year bringing big change.  Well this is definitely part of it.  So I will definitely keep you all up to date on how things will be going.  My bf is going out there before me to make things a bit easier.  It will give me about two months to spend time with family before I go which I think will be nice.  Then it is Hello East Coast!  I have a feeling this desert girl isn't nearly prepared for the cold weather, snow, and humidity that is going to be out there.  It will be an exciting new adventure though.  I am starting to get a little anxious as the bf is leaving in less than a week.  Definitely going to miss him but I think this is a smart way to do things instead of both of us going out there right away and me not taking a decent amount of time to get some quality family time in.

So there it is.  Sorry it took so long for me to tell all of you.  I didn't want to say anything unless it was 100% happening.

Anyways I do have to get going but here are some fun pictures I took when hanging out with some good friends playing in makeup lol. 

I feel like I look like I just walked of the set of Braveheart battle scenes.  FREEDOM!!!!!!!!! 

Well I hope you all are having a nice weekend.  Our internet is getting shut off tomorrow so I will try to get on once back with family and let all of you know how things are going.

Thursday, June 19, 2014

Bright eye'd and bushy tailed? HA

WARNING: The following post is a long and drawn out rant about the down side to having gall stones which has been overly ranted about on this blog already.  You have been warned.

Good morning loves.  I hope you all are well.  Again I am at the hands of my unmerciful gall bladder.  I have taken to surfing the net when suffering from an attack so I am not keeping the bf up while tossing and turning.  I have to admit I am pretty ticked off right now.  Definitely in an F-U mind set towards my body.  As I am sure you all know I have been making an effort to become healthier.  Slowly but surely this is coming to a reality as I am watching what I eat and making a point to exercise.  So when I have days like yesterday when I didn't do anything too crazy with what I decided to eat and I spent most of it on my feet playing with crazy kids, walking and spending a good hour and half in the pool at the gym vigorously swimming trying to keep up with the munchkins, tossing one little crazy girl into the air for canon-balls only a few dozen times and yet still somehow am woken up 4 o'clock on the dot to a painful side?  Lets just say it out right pisses me off.  Excuse my language.  This is the second one in a row the week.

I am just so tired.  That's how I feel.  I mean yes I imagine anyone that didn't hit the pillows til around 11 p.m. and wakes up at 4 a.m. is going to be tired.  But all around I just feel... tired.  I am angry and irritated.  I know I need to just have my gall bladder taken out and I am not afraid of surgery.  Well at least I don't have some crazy fear of it, but a healthy amount of nervousness and concern for something like that sure.  Anyways, I just simply don't have the money.  Yes it is my health that is on the line.  It is like jumping through hoops though to simply get the surgery done.  Because my gall bladder is not "infected" and simply filled with slime balls that cause me to be in an almost constant state of pain, I can't just say 'hey I have gall stones lets get this sucker out'.  Even though there is no medicine, cure, to be heard of, and the only thing one can do for it is to have your gall bladder removed, I still have to go see a specialist.  This is so ridiculous to me.  What is this specialist going to tell me?  "Oh you have gall stones..."  Noooooo?  So I will have to pay some ridiculous amount for a specialist and then I know they are going to make me get even more ultra sounds to look at who only knows what for the hundredth time.  Which is a whole separate bill.  Then I will have to pay for the surgery itself.  Keep in mind all these things charge separately so that is three different payments a month.

Last time I was in the hospital because of this stupid gall bladder of mine I had one ultra sound done which cost me $300 some odd bucks and then because I simply had some blood taken, and SPOKE to a doctor, (I received no medication they tried to give me a morphine injection but I wouldn't let them.) so literally all I did was lie on a bed and talk to a guy for like 10 minutes so he could tell me what I already knew, I was charged a ridiculous $3000.

I am nearly done paying that off a whole year and a half later.  So I can only imagine what it is going to cost me to actually get this baby taken out.  With no income of my own of any sort right now I can't even think about having this done.  Even though lately every time I have an attack all I want to do is bash my head against the wall because the pain is driving me so freakin crazy.  Not to mention, that the constant heart burn, upset stomach, side pain and pure exhaustion that happens multiple times a week has put a serious damper on the love life.  When I am not suffering a full blown attack I still have problems with upset stomach and heart burn which trust me is preferable but still annoying.  It has gotten to a point where I feel humiliated every time I have to push away physical affection because I simply feel so crappy all the freakin time.

Ok ok I am done, this is getting depressing.  Plus my side is still throbbing so I am going to trying pacing the room since standing up sometimes helps. =/  

My deepest apologies for this rant guys.  I know you are all probably pretty sick of hearing about this.  Really must stop using this place like my personal diary lol.

Hope you all have a wonderful day.

Sunday, June 8, 2014


So I think I am going to make Sunday my goals, and progress posting day.  I don't promise that it will be a weekly posting not sure there would be too much to say if I did.  Just to get things rolling though.  

I am so out of shape!  I decided to do a leg work out today.  One of the girls on one of the beauty channels that I follow on youtube also makes 'Get fit with me' videos.  After watching her leg workout routine I thought 'Hey that doesn't look so bad I should do that this morning'.  I was so very wrong.  While it wasn't near as bad as some workouts, it kicked my butt.  

Right away I felt like I seriously underestimated how bad in shape I was.  I started stretching since I think its pretty common knowledge that you should stretch before and after working out and right away all I could think was 'jeez even stretching out has become hard what the heck man?'.  

The workout consists of:

20 Squats
30 Lunges
40 Calf raises
50 second Wall Sit
100 Jumping Jacks
50 second Wall Sit
30 Sumo Squats
30 Leg Raises
20 Sideways Scissors
20 Squats

This is the leg work out she shows in the video.  I was able to do:

20 Squats
30 semi successful Lunges (really only 15 each leg)
40 Calf raises
38 second Wall Sit (I was going by the timer on my phone)
62 Jumping Jacks
30 second Wall Sit
16 Sumo Squats
30 Leg Raises (15 each leg)
20 Sideways Scissors
20 very long drawn out Squats

Starting with the squats I thought to myself hey this isn't to bad.  I checked my stance/frame whatever you want to call it, in the mirror before thought that it looked good.  Then I got to the Lunges.  They look so easy but it took me a minute to figure out how to do it without rocking to the side and wanting to lose my balance.  Also my left knee couldn't handle going as far down as my right, not even close, which was a bit frustrating because I have never noticed any problem with my knee until this.   I don't know if it is a simple explanation that it is just weaker or if something is wrong.  

Now if there is one thing I am more certain of now than I was before, with this new veggie diet I really really need to find a good source of potassium.  If it comes down to it I think I will have to force myself to start choking down bananas, because when I got to the calf raises which are simple enough, at about 15 I started to feel like I was going to cramp.  When I hit 20 I had to break stretch a little and then finished but the entire time I felt like my calf muscle was twisting and trying to rip itself off.  I know its partially do to, like I said being out of shape, but I know I need to up my potassium levels.

Now I don't know why I thought the Wall Sit wouldn't be hard but oh I was so wrong.  My legs started the shake and finally I had to call it quits or I was going to fall.  Which I totally did end up falling when doing the sumo squats.  Its a lot harder to keep a good frame with sumo squats lol.  Needless to say I wasn't able to do the full work out but I still feel really good about what I could do.

After working out I decided to try and look up some info about schools that offer G.E.D. testing.  That only lasted about 10 minutes before I realized hey its Sunday and that is why everywhere that I call is closed.  DUH!  So that is my mission for tomorrow.  I will definitely let you all know what I find.  I think I might also make a trip to Bookmans. That way I can try and turn in some of the books I no longer want as well as movies and then see if I can find any G.E.D. Practice Test or G.E.D. Prep books.

Anyways, I hope that you all are having a lovely Sunday morning.  Now that I am done working out I need to figure out what to do with the rest of my day.  Maybe I will just go to Bookmans today instead of waiting.

Saturday, June 7, 2014


So I have never really been one to set new year goals or anything like that.  In fact I am almost sure that I wrote something about the subject right around the new year.  I think a part of me thinks that most people set themselves up for failure by either making unrealistic goals or just putting too much on their plate.  After reading a very inspiring blog post today though and thinking about the changes that are going on in my life and the things I wish I could do or had done I wonder if maybe I really should make these ideas/desires a listed set of goals.  Make a well thought out plan of how I want to accomplish them and a reasonable time limit to give myself.  Most importantly IMMEDIATELY take active steps to achieving these goals.  I know I am the worst for convincing myself I need to do something and then making excuses to myself and others why I need to put off doing them right away.

As I am sure I have mentioned in recent posts there is a huge change about to happen in my life.  Which I will tell you guys about VERY soon.  Like hopefully next week kind of soon.  Anyways, with this huge change coming up I have been thinking about things I want to do, wish I had done long before this.  I know I talked about it ONCE and I know this because I am embarrassed to discuss it.  After being home schooled all through high school I never went and got my G.E.D. as most do.  Instead I immediately started going to a college that did not require that I have my G.E.D. which seemed well and fine until I left before receiving my associates and never went back.  So now I am 22, have been out of school for nearly three years and feel like I have nothing to show as far as my education goes.  I know getting one's G.E.D. is easy enough but I am literally so terrified of failure (mainly because I am awful at Math) that I keep putting it off, even though it is LOOOOOONG over due.  

After a recent discussion on this specific topic with my bf I haven't been able to get it out of my head.  It's almost like a feeling of anxiety that I will try finally and fail, or worse that if I don't do it now then I won't ever do it.  Then along the same lines in the end ruining any chance of going back to school which is something else that I feel I need to do sometime in the immediate future.  Even if it is to simply get my associates though I would like to work towards something that will be beneficial to some sort of career choice.

This is probably the most important goal/desire.  I just feel like my educational window is closing and if I don't do something now it will just be harder to open it up later. 

Something that sort of goes hand in hand with this also is I want to become more independent.  I want a stable job which as of right now I don't even have one (very long, depressing story).  If it were not for my bf I would be, excuse my crudeness, completely and totally screwed right now.  There is no way I could make it on my own right now.  While I love that he can take care of me, I don't really want him to.  Even when I was younger I never wanted to be the type that was supported by another.  I always admired successful independent women. I want to take care of myself.  I want the satisfaction in knowing that if I had to I could do just fine on my own.  This is just more fuel as to why I think it is really important that I get the ball rolling on getting back to school.

My second goal.... 

I know a lot of you women and some men out there will cringe in empathy, while the others will feel like this is something over discussed in the blogging community....

becoming healthier and losing weight.  

BLEGH!  Now I know we have taken some pretty active steps in becoming healthier as a couple.  Giving up meat as well as soda and most juice.  I still feel like it is not enough for me personally though.  I don't feel as though I have lost any weight and only slightly do I feel like I am actually healthier.  Now in all honesty I could be wrong on the weight thing because we don't own a scale.  So there is no way for me to know for sure.  Last time I was at the clinic though I was horrified at the numbers I saw compared to what they used to be.  I have felt a bit of jealousy since I know my bf has dropped at least 13 lbs just because he is weighed during doctor visits which have happened a couple of times since the new diet.  

I know I need to start working out.  It is as simple as that.  I know if I would just work out even a little bit there would be a noticeable result.  I likely still wouldn't buy a scale since to be honest I wouldn't care what number was shown if there were visible results.  

And my third goal which might not seem important to some but is extremely to me;  I need to get my creativity back.  I lost it.  I used to be the girl who carried her sketch book with her textbooks at school and could either be found in her down time reading a book or listening to music, side of her hand covered in led far away from the world as she formed a picture on the blank piece of paper.  I haven't really sat down and dedicated my time to sketching in... well over a year.  I love to sketch it makes me happy, I like that I have a small bit of skill in it.  I don't say that to be conceited, but everyone has something they are good at and I really had thought my thing was drawing.  I wanted to build my talent and create my own style.  I don't know what happened though.  My sketch book has collected a coating of dust and it makes me a bit sad.  

So those are the things that I really want to accomplish right now.

I would like to have my G.E.D. sometime within the next three months.  Next year I want to be enrolled in college, at least working towards my associates if I haven't figured out what else I want to do.  I want a stable job with a steady income I don't care if it is part time or full time just something to give me some of my independence back.  The constant job hunting and failed nanny employment is starting to wear down on me.  I just want something that is stable.

I want to start actively working out maybe starting with three times a week, including throwing in some yoga here and there because I really do enjoy yoga.  I also want to make healthier choices like making sure I eat three meals a day because I am the worst at that.  As well as not vegging out in the house doing nothing so much. I think that is reasonable.  Eventually I want to work on getting my arms toned, of course losing a bit of the belly even though that isn't what bothers me the most, and as weird as it sounds toning my back if that makes any sense at all.  I am sure any girl out there who has a little extra weight will understand what I am talking about.  If I could just accomplish those three things.  Maybe drop 2 pant sizes I would be very very happy.  Oh and I want to be able to do a push up, because as of right now I totally can't.  If I could do one legit push up that would be an accomplishment on it's own.  I have zero arm strength.

Finally I want to actively start sketching again.  This isn't something that I want to disappear.  I don't know who I would be if one day years had gone by and I hadn't touched an art pencil.  One of the things I was thinking if you guys had any requests of a drawing you would like to see then I would try and see what I could come up with.  Don't care if it is an object, landscape, or person.  

I am going to try MAKE it point to keep you all updated on these things.  Maybe I will start a weekly goal update post?  I feel like part of my own self sabotage is that I never voice these things that way there is no disappointment or embarrassment when I don't accomplish what I set out to do.

Now that this extremely longer than I had intended rant has gone on, I think I should bid you all a good night.  Get myself some sleep since I plan to be up at a decent time tomorrow so that I can enjoy a little down time in the early morning before a work out.  =S  I hope you all are enjoying your weekend.  Best of wishes everyone.