WARNING: The following post is a long and drawn out rant about the down side to having gall stones which has been overly ranted about on this blog already. You have been warned.
Good morning loves. I hope you all are well. Again I am at the hands of my unmerciful gall bladder. I have taken to surfing the net when suffering from an attack so I am not keeping the bf up while tossing and turning. I have to admit I am pretty ticked off right now. Definitely in an F-U mind set towards my body. As I am sure you all know I have been making an effort to become healthier. Slowly but surely this is coming to a reality as I am watching what I eat and making a point to exercise. So when I have days like yesterday when I didn't do anything too crazy with what I decided to eat and I spent most of it on my feet playing with crazy kids, walking and spending a good hour and half in the pool at the gym vigorously swimming trying to keep up with the munchkins, tossing one little crazy girl into the air for canon-balls only a few dozen times and yet still somehow am woken up 4 o'clock on the dot to a painful side? Lets just say it out right pisses me off. Excuse my language. This is the second one in a row the week.
I am just so tired. That's how I feel. I mean yes I imagine anyone that didn't hit the pillows til around 11 p.m. and wakes up at 4 a.m. is going to be tired. But all around I just feel... tired. I am angry and irritated. I know I need to just have my gall bladder taken out and I am not afraid of surgery. Well at least I don't have some crazy fear of it, but a healthy amount of nervousness and concern for something like that sure. Anyways, I just simply don't have the money. Yes it is my health that is on the line. It is like jumping through hoops though to simply get the surgery done. Because my gall bladder is not "infected" and simply filled with slime balls that cause me to be in an almost constant state of pain, I can't just say 'hey I have gall stones lets get this sucker out'. Even though there is no medicine, cure, to be heard of, and the only thing one can do for it is to have your gall bladder removed, I still have to go see a specialist. This is so ridiculous to me. What is this specialist going to tell me? "Oh you have gall stones..." Noooooo? So I will have to pay some ridiculous amount for a specialist and then I know they are going to make me get even more ultra sounds to look at who only knows what for the hundredth time. Which is a whole separate bill. Then I will have to pay for the surgery itself. Keep in mind all these things charge separately so that is three different payments a month.
Last time I was in the hospital because of this stupid gall bladder of mine I had one ultra sound done which cost me $300 some odd bucks and then because I simply had some blood taken, and SPOKE to a doctor, (I received no medication they tried to give me a morphine injection but I wouldn't let them.) so literally all I did was lie on a bed and talk to a guy for like 10 minutes so he could tell me what I already knew, I was charged a ridiculous $3000.
I am nearly done paying that off a whole year and a half later. So I can only imagine what it is going to cost me to actually get this baby taken out. With no income of my own of any sort right now I can't even think about having this done. Even though lately every time I have an attack all I want to do is bash my head against the wall because the pain is driving me so freakin crazy. Not to mention, that the constant heart burn, upset stomach, side pain and pure exhaustion that happens multiple times a week has put a serious damper on the love life. When I am not suffering a full blown attack I still have problems with upset stomach and heart burn which trust me is preferable but still annoying. It has gotten to a point where I feel humiliated every time I have to push away physical affection because I simply feel so crappy all the freakin time.
Ok ok I am done, this is getting depressing. Plus my side is still throbbing so I am going to trying pacing the room since standing up sometimes helps. =/
My deepest apologies for this rant guys. I know you are all probably pretty sick of hearing about this. Really must stop using this place like my personal diary lol.
Hope you all have a wonderful day.