Goals?

So I have never really been one to set new year goals or anything like that.  In fact I am almost sure that I wrote something about the subject right around the new year.  I think a part of me thinks that most people set themselves up for failure by either making unrealistic goals or just putting too much on their plate.  After reading a very inspiring blog post today though and thinking about the changes that are going on in my life and the things I wish I could do or had done I wonder if maybe I really should make these ideas/desires a listed set of goals.  Make a well thought out plan of how I want to accomplish them and a reasonable time limit to give myself.  Most importantly IMMEDIATELY take active steps to achieving these goals.  I know I am the worst for convincing myself I need to do something and then making excuses to myself and others why I need to put off doing them right away.

As I am sure I have mentioned in recent posts there is a huge change about to happen in my life.  Which I will tell you guys about VERY soon.  Like hopefully next week kind of soon.  Anyways, with this huge change coming up I have been thinking about things I want to do, wish I had done long before this.  I know I talked about it ONCE and I know this because I am embarrassed to discuss it.  After being home schooled all through high school I never went and got my G.E.D. as most do.  Instead I immediately started going to a college that did not require that I have my G.E.D. which seemed well and fine until I left before receiving my associates and never went back.  So now I am 22, have been out of school for nearly three years and feel like I have nothing to show as far as my education goes.  I know getting one's G.E.D. is easy enough but I am literally so terrified of failure (mainly because I am awful at Math) that I keep putting it off, even though it is LOOOOOONG over due.  

After a recent discussion on this specific topic with my bf I haven't been able to get it out of my head.  It's almost like a feeling of anxiety that I will try finally and fail, or worse that if I don't do it now then I won't ever do it.  Then along the same lines in the end ruining any chance of going back to school which is something else that I feel I need to do sometime in the immediate future.  Even if it is to simply get my associates though I would like to work towards something that will be beneficial to some sort of career choice.

This is probably the most important goal/desire.  I just feel like my educational window is closing and if I don't do something now it will just be harder to open it up later. 

Something that sort of goes hand in hand with this also is I want to become more independent.  I want a stable job which as of right now I don't even have one (very long, depressing story).  If it were not for my bf I would be, excuse my crudeness, completely and totally screwed right now.  There is no way I could make it on my own right now.  While I love that he can take care of me, I don't really want him to.  Even when I was younger I never wanted to be the type that was supported by another.  I always admired successful independent women. I want to take care of myself.  I want the satisfaction in knowing that if I had to I could do just fine on my own.  This is just more fuel as to why I think it is really important that I get the ball rolling on getting back to school.

My second goal.... 

I know a lot of you women and some men out there will cringe in empathy, while the others will feel like this is something over discussed in the blogging community....

becoming healthier and losing weight.  

BLEGH!  Now I know we have taken some pretty active steps in becoming healthier as a couple.  Giving up meat as well as soda and most juice.  I still feel like it is not enough for me personally though.  I don't feel as though I have lost any weight and only slightly do I feel like I am actually healthier.  Now in all honesty I could be wrong on the weight thing because we don't own a scale.  So there is no way for me to know for sure.  Last time I was at the clinic though I was horrified at the numbers I saw compared to what they used to be.  I have felt a bit of jealousy since I know my bf has dropped at least 13 lbs just because he is weighed during doctor visits which have happened a couple of times since the new diet.  

I know I need to start working out.  It is as simple as that.  I know if I would just work out even a little bit there would be a noticeable result.  I likely still wouldn't buy a scale since to be honest I wouldn't care what number was shown if there were visible results.  

And my third goal which might not seem important to some but is extremely to me;  I need to get my creativity back.  I lost it.  I used to be the girl who carried her sketch book with her textbooks at school and could either be found in her down time reading a book or listening to music, side of her hand covered in led far away from the world as she formed a picture on the blank piece of paper.  I haven't really sat down and dedicated my time to sketching in... well over a year.  I love to sketch it makes me happy, I like that I have a small bit of skill in it.  I don't say that to be conceited, but everyone has something they are good at and I really had thought my thing was drawing.  I wanted to build my talent and create my own style.  I don't know what happened though.  My sketch book has collected a coating of dust and it makes me a bit sad.  

So those are the things that I really want to accomplish right now.

I would like to have my G.E.D. sometime within the next three months.  Next year I want to be enrolled in college, at least working towards my associates if I haven't figured out what else I want to do.  I want a stable job with a steady income I don't care if it is part time or full time just something to give me some of my independence back.  The constant job hunting and failed nanny employment is starting to wear down on me.  I just want something that is stable.

I want to start actively working out maybe starting with three times a week, including throwing in some yoga here and there because I really do enjoy yoga.  I also want to make healthier choices like making sure I eat three meals a day because I am the worst at that.  As well as not vegging out in the house doing nothing so much. I think that is reasonable.  Eventually I want to work on getting my arms toned, of course losing a bit of the belly even though that isn't what bothers me the most, and as weird as it sounds toning my back if that makes any sense at all.  I am sure any girl out there who has a little extra weight will understand what I am talking about.  If I could just accomplish those three things.  Maybe drop 2 pant sizes I would be very very happy.  Oh and I want to be able to do a push up, because as of right now I totally can't.  If I could do one legit push up that would be an accomplishment on it's own.  I have zero arm strength.

Finally I want to actively start sketching again.  This isn't something that I want to disappear.  I don't know who I would be if one day years had gone by and I hadn't touched an art pencil.  One of the things I was thinking if you guys had any requests of a drawing you would like to see then I would try and see what I could come up with.  Don't care if it is an object, landscape, or person.  

I am going to try MAKE it point to keep you all updated on these things.  Maybe I will start a weekly goal update post?  I feel like part of my own self sabotage is that I never voice these things that way there is no disappointment or embarrassment when I don't accomplish what I set out to do.

Now that this extremely longer than I had intended rant has gone on, I think I should bid you all a good night.  Get myself some sleep since I plan to be up at a decent time tomorrow so that I can enjoy a little down time in the early morning before a work out.  =S  I hope you all are enjoying your weekend.  Best of wishes everyone.