Why am I up?

I just now looked down at the clock and noticed that it is 1:30 in the morning and I have to work tomorrow so this will likely be a really short post.

First things first have I mentioned how awesome my boyfriend is?  Lol I know... a bit childish but he constantly makes me smile and despite being together nearly a year he still does little things just to make me happy.  Like notice I am struggling to hand whip some heavy cream, so he takes over for me without being asked.  Made myself a nice cup of home made hot cocoa and had to have whipped cream to go with it. =)

And just now he started to pester me about an artist that I have been a little obsessed with lately just so he could find a song to put on that he knows I like and I know he doesn't like.  I can't help it her music despite being a bit crude at times mellows me out and puts me in a happy place.  I love her style in singing and her style in general.  And I love that she seems real to me despite being drop dead gorgeous in all her videos she is acting with people who... well look like real people.  I wouldn't doubt I could pass one of them on the street and not take notice because they are beautifully average.

Oh I am talking about Lana Del Rey by the way.  Thanks to a friend and facebook I discovered her music recently and have been a little addicted.  Especially to her song Ride which is currently playing.

This video is 10 minutes long because it is half song half short film sort of but I love it.  If you want I also recommend listening to Blue Jeans, Dark Paradise, and Young and Beautiful.  All some of my favorites.

 

Well anyways I guess the only other thing I wanted to write about is that I have decided that one thing I am going to do with this new year is try to be more informed.  Now I know some people make a point to avoid things like the news and politics.  Lately though I feel like I am disconnected with things that are going on.  I have no political views and honest truth I haven't the slightest idea what are some of the major discussions/issues that are going on today.  So while I have never really been the type to watch the news everyday and keep up with things like politics I think I am going to make a point to try to be more informed.

Also as fellow blogger Aine over at The Deepest Well said I think I will make more of an effort to live in the moment.  When I had first thought about this it was more in a sense of taking more risk.  Not in the do something crazy sort of way but just pushing myself to get out of my box and do something I might ordinarily shy away from sort of way.  When I read Aine's latest post about her own decision to 'live in the moment'  I thought that described my own mind set a bit better than 'risk taking'.   So thank you Aine.

I just think that I have been missing out on certain opportunities big and small because I am too shy, nervous,  self conscious.   When it comes to fear of rejection or judgement I am the first to take the easy way out.  I'd rather suffer zero embarrassment and discomfort by avoiding a situation all together and regretting it later than take the risk of doing something out of the ordinary and maybe experiencing something amazing.  I do this ALL THE TIME.  With big life decisions, to personal relationship decisions, and small hardly significant decisions.  All because I am too chicken that I might fail, disappoint, or get embarrassed.

I think the worst part is I make myself so internally worked up over things that it makes me doubt things that I know I am perfectly capable of.  Stupid silly things!  Like for example driving.  Now I will admit I am a bit of a nervous driver, other drivers scare the living ba-jesus out of me.  But the fact is I drive on a daily basis all the time just like most adults.  So its not a big deal right?  Wrong because when anyone gets in the car with me I suddenly become ridiculously paranoid that they are judging me while I am driving and then I reason in my head that they are a better driver than I am so they should be the one driving.  This has led to a handful of times where my boyfriend has literally had to force me to drive.  In the end always resulting in me feeling like a total tard for making such a big deal out of it in the first place.

Then there are other things like... well on a much bigger scale getting my G.E.D.  As some of you may know I was home schooled from the 7th grade up and never graduated and have yet to get my G.E.D.  Why?  Absolutely no reason other than I am terrified that I will fail which is a little ridiculous considering I did go to college for a year having scored into average college level classes so there is no reason why I shouldn't be able to pass and get my G.E.D. Specially when they say that most 7th graders could pass the tests.

So here are my things for the new year:

Read my stack of metaphysical books all the way through...
Be more informed...
Live in the moment.
Get my G.E.D.

.....stop being a scaredy cat....

Well this has turned into a much longer post than I thought it would.  I hope that all of you have a really good night.  I seriously need to get to bed now.  =)

-Nadine