I just now looked down at the clock and noticed that it is 1:30 in the morning and I have to work tomorrow so this will likely be a really short post.
First things first have I mentioned how awesome my boyfriend is? Lol I know... a bit childish but he constantly makes me smile and despite being together nearly a year he still does little things just to make me happy. Like notice I am struggling to hand whip some heavy cream, so he takes over for me without being asked. Made myself a nice cup of home made hot cocoa and had to have whipped cream to go with it. =)
And just now he started to pester me about an artist that I have been a little obsessed with lately just so he could find a song to put on that he knows I like and I know he doesn't like. I can't help it her music despite being a bit crude at times mellows me out and puts me in a happy place. I love her style in singing and her style in general. And I love that she seems real to me despite being drop dead gorgeous in all her videos she is acting with people who... well look like real people. I wouldn't doubt I could pass one of them on the street and not take notice because they are beautifully average.
Oh I am talking about Lana Del Rey by the way. Thanks to a friend and facebook I discovered her music recently and have been a little addicted. Especially to her song Ride which is currently playing.
This video is 10 minutes long because it is half song half short film sort of but I love it. If you want I also recommend listening to Blue Jeans, Dark Paradise, and Young and Beautiful. All some of my favorites.
Well anyways I guess the only other thing I wanted to write about is that I have decided that one thing I am going to do with this new year is try to be more informed. Now I know some people make a point to avoid things like the news and politics. Lately though I feel like I am disconnected with things that are going on. I have no political views and honest truth I haven't the slightest idea what are some of the major discussions/issues that are going on today. So while I have never really been the type to watch the news everyday and keep up with things like politics I think I am going to make a point to try to be more informed.
Also as fellow blogger Aine over at The Deepest Well said I think I will make more of an effort to live in the moment. When I had first thought about this it was more in a sense of taking more risk. Not in the do something crazy sort of way but just pushing myself to get out of my box and do something I might ordinarily shy away from sort of way. When I read Aine's latest post about her own decision to 'live in the moment' I thought that described my own mind set a bit better than 'risk taking'. So thank you Aine.
I just think that I have been missing out on certain opportunities big and small because I am too shy, nervous, self conscious. When it comes to fear of rejection or judgement I am the first to take the easy way out. I'd rather suffer zero embarrassment and discomfort by avoiding a situation all together and regretting it later than take the risk of doing something out of the ordinary and maybe experiencing something amazing. I do this ALL THE TIME. With big life decisions, to personal relationship decisions, and small hardly significant decisions. All because I am too chicken that I might fail, disappoint, or get embarrassed.
I think the worst part is I make myself so internally worked up over things that it makes me doubt things that I know I am perfectly capable of. Stupid silly things! Like for example driving. Now I will admit I am a bit of a nervous driver, other drivers scare the living ba-jesus out of me. But the fact is I drive on a daily basis all the time just like most adults. So its not a big deal right? Wrong because when anyone gets in the car with me I suddenly become ridiculously paranoid that they are judging me while I am driving and then I reason in my head that they are a better driver than I am so they should be the one driving. This has led to a handful of times where my boyfriend has literally had to force me to drive. In the end always resulting in me feeling like a total tard for making such a big deal out of it in the first place.
Then there are other things like... well on a much bigger scale getting my G.E.D. As some of you may know I was home schooled from the 7th grade up and never graduated and have yet to get my G.E.D. Why? Absolutely no reason other than I am terrified that I will fail which is a little ridiculous considering I did go to college for a year having scored into average college level classes so there is no reason why I shouldn't be able to pass and get my G.E.D. Specially when they say that most 7th graders could pass the tests.
So here are my things for the new year:
Read my stack of metaphysical books all the way through...
Be more informed...
Live in the moment.
Get my G.E.D.
.....stop being a scaredy cat....
Well this has turned into a much longer post than I thought it would. I hope that all of you have a really good night. I seriously need to get to bed now. =)