Last Day

Today was my last official day working with the family that I nanny nannied for.  I have to admit I am pretty bummed out.  They have asked if I can still help occasionally which I am more than happy to do.  Still on the hunt for another job though and I can only hope that it won't collide with still helping their family out every so often.  I am thinking while I have this time off though other than the job hunt I will use it to do some deep house cleaning which won't really be hard seeing as our house doesn't really have to much in it but I am going to also use the free time for some me time.  

I have to admit since I have met my boyfriend my spiritual side has sort of taken a back seat.  We do not share the same beliefs which is not a big deal.  He is open to my way of life as I am to his, but it is still a little nerve racking to be so open about the things I practice.  Some might think that is a bit silly but my beliefs have always been hidden in the shadows so to speak.  For those who know me and my family know that my Mothers ex-husband was a bit of a.... spiritual hunter?  He was always on the search for something to... I don't even really know.  But lets just say we were dragged to many different churches, and practiced in a few different religions until finally settling in the LDS church which to me felt more like a cage than anything.  NOT to disrespect anyone but I am sure anyone who has been forced into something they don't believe in would feel the same.

Anyways so being open with my beliefs has always been a bit nerve racking having kept it to myself for so long.  I don't really have anyone close to me who has similar beliefs, other than my Mother who now lives in a different state. lol  So my 'practice' has always been sort of a solo party.  Very personal and to be open with it to my boyfriend leaves me feeling exposed.  Despite the fact that he has no opinion of it I still fear the idea of judgement coming from someone who's opinion I value over most.

Oh and as a side note just in case anyone has ever wondered why I refer to my beliefs and what not as 'my practice'  its because I don't really know where I fall.  I wouldn't really consider myself a wiccan, maybe neopagan I don't really know...  I am comfortable using the term witch and often refer to myself as such but again that particular title can fall under quite a few different labels.  So I will simply stick to calling it my 'practice' unless I find something that fits who I am which would be an accomplishment as I feel like I am ever changing.

On another completely different note.  I have discovered the reason I couldn't sleep for like three nights straight.  At first I thought it might be the approach of the full moon but that made little sense for me.  I was up paranoid and terrified that someone would break into the house and every noise had me convinced that someone was doing just that.  I would sit up in bed staring at the bedroom door in our dark room with only the little light coming from between the blinds to help me see thinking if someone was in the house I would see their shadow in the doorway soon enough to do something as they would think I am sleeping.  I wouldn't sleep until completely exhausted I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer only the be woken up by my alarm just a few short hours later.  

Well I can say without doubt that this is completely the fault of my boyfriend.  Lol! See he can't sleep at night unless Scrubs is playing on the TV.  He owns all the seasons and in the year that we have been together I am confident I have seen each season at least 4 times.  I didn't fully understand why he did this until just the other day.  See I had always fallen asleep to well... the dark, a nightlight at best maybe some very very quiet music in the background that I was sure to wake and turn off at some point.  So this habit definitely took some getting used to for sure even with the timer set to turn off the TV and I made sure to give him a bit of a hard time about it.  Well I convinced him we should watch a different show at least if we couldn't leave the TV off all together.  I realize now that is when I stopped sleeping. 

I have been conditioned to not be able to sleep unless Scrubs is playing the background!  Now I realize a bit more what my boyfriend goes through when I push to have the TV turned off.  Just like I did for three nights he hears every noise and is paranoid just like me.  While I now suffer this... condition due to a habit that developed over the last year he has a better excuse.  Its a bit crazy to think he has been doing this for 5 years and makes me wonder if I will be old and wrinkly with Scrubs on the TV as I go to sleep.  Needless to say I will no longer complain or give him a hard time.  I have definitely been grateful since my realization.  Two WHOLE nights of sleep thanks to Scrubs.